Yoga Fail: When Good Thoughts Go Bad

The hardest part of yoga, for me, is not "standing forehead to knee" (though let's be honest, I'm years away from that pose). The hardest part of yoga is the mental challenge, to keep my thoughts from running away and staying in the moment.

Here's an example: The instructor says "you want to get your forehead to touch your knee" and I think... forehead to knee, forehead to knee, almost there, this would be much easier for my friend C- because she has such a long, elegant nose, she wouldn't have to bend as far, they sure are a nice family, they're going to miss their two oldest kids when they go on that trip this summer, I hope their plane doesn't go down, losing a child would be unbearable, I can't imagine how they'd recover if that happened, the grief would be crushing. 

And just like that I'm not in the moment and depressed about things that have not happened and on the brink of tears.

Here's another: This class is going great, I'm in the moment, I'm happy, yay for me, life is beautiful, life is beautiful... Life Is Beautiful was a really good movie but man it broke my heart, what the father did for the son and I don't think I'll ever get the image of the smile on his face as he marches to his death out of my head.

And there I am on the mat getting choked up about the Holocaust.

So that's my big challenge. Staying in the moment, staying positive, and keeping thoughts of suffering and death out of my practice. By comparison, "standing forehead to knee" doesn't sound so hard, after all.

The Yoga Fart

The room was packed. We were a third of the way through an eighty-minute hot yoga class. And it wasn't even while doing a pose, but while turning around to sit down on the mat and take a rest. And no, it wasn't me. But it could have been.

The woman was between me and the wall, but her mat was a few feet forward of mine, which pretty much put my face in line with her butt. Since it happened when we were sitting down to take a rest, there was no music on. The room was quiet. And it wasn't a tiny fart. It was a big one, unexpected, because when you're sitting down to rest, you have your guard down about that sort of thing. It echoed throughout the room. It was unmistakable. 

What could anyone do but continue on? Pretend it didn't happen? The next sound in the room was the instructor advising us to "Take deep, rich breaths." Being in the position I was, I didn't really want to take deep, rich breathes. "And focus on your intention." 

Focus, I thought. Focus on your intention. My intention is always the same: kindness. And that's what I focused on. I focused on sending kindness to the woman who'd let one slip. I sent kindness and love and understanding. I sent calm and peace and comfort. No one will laugh or point or think any less of her. I sent the assurance that we all experience these moments at some point, that we're all in this together. With every fiber of my sweaty being, I sent positive energy and friendship her way. I sent a reminder that yoga is not about judgement. That the mat is a safe place. And that everything is going to be okay. Because sure, it wasn't me this time. But it could have been. 

Relaxation and Ax Murderers

I'm a big fan of meditation. I try to listen to a hypnotherapy session a few times a week. This is a twenty minute recording during which a voice assures me of my general competence and fosters optimism about my dynamic and compelling future. Seriously, I'm not making this up. And while it may sound a little flaky, it works.

Last week I decided to listen to my meditation recording while relaxing in a hot tub. I could ease my mind and muscles at the same time. It would be the do-it-yourself equivalent of paying big bucks to be pampered at a spa. This is what I told myself.

I put my headphones on, blocking out all other sound.

I closed my eyes.

But after a few seconds, I stopped focusing on my dynamic and compelling future and started imagining an ax murderer creeping up behind me. Because there I sat, marinating in the hot tub with my eyes and ears closed off from the world, the perfect victim waiting for this guy to come along...

So I'm going back to meditating while in the safety of my home and behind locked doors, because I've learned that suffocating terror is a direct impediment to optimism. You learn something new every day.