Why Waitressing Should Be 1 of the 7 Deadly Sins

I've waited my fair share of tables. And sure, there are good things about waitressing, like free food and bunions. Wait, no. Not bunions. Like... uh... free food and exercise. Because no matter how many french fries I stuff into my face, as long as I'm waitressing, I stay in pretty good shape.

But there are sucky things about waitressing, too. Like when the food is not free. If I've just worked a double shift and cleaned what I'm pretty sure is urine from a high chair, you seriously expect me to pay for those french fries? Which cost you .0000008 cents? Lame.

Here are some other sucky things about waitressing:

• Vindictive management with unjustifiable, over-inflated egos.
• Coked-up vindictive management with unjustifiable, over-inflated egos.
• Coked-up vindictive management with unjustifiable, over-inflated egos who leer at the waitresses.
• Showing up for a shift and being cut after two tables. I had no idea my time was so worthless!
• Dine-n-dashers. They should eat their meals in prison.
• Shitty tippers. Everyone should have to wait tables for 6 months. Then there would be no more shitty tippers.
• Clueless parents. Okay, I don't think they're actually clueless. I think their brains have been eroded from so much sleep deprivation, whining, and poop that they willfully shut down any previous inclinations they may have had toward acceptable behavior in a restaurant. 
• Sidework.

Perhaps I sound too bitchy. Yes, that was a bit of rant. Here's the offset.

• I have friendships from this industry that will last for life.
• I'm an excellent tipper and always kind to my waiter.
• I excel at the clean-as-you-go method in my own kitchen.
• I have calves of steel.
• I can now highlight my silverware rolling skills when applying for a job.
• Not all managers are sucky.
• Some customers rock.

Most days, though, I'm pretty sure Dante waited tables.