Every Kiss Does Not Begin With Kay

I found myself suddenly nauseous on the treadmill the other day. Was I pushing too hard? When had I last eaten? No, the culprit was none of these. I found myself having a physical reaction to the Kay Jewelers commercial on the screen in front of me.

Okay, so this woman looks like she just needs to take a good poo, but you get my point. And I never wear my hair down or lip gloss or earrings on a treadmill. Fine, the picture was a bad idea.

But ALSO a bad idea would be buying your new stepdaughter a diamond in the hopes of creating the basis for a loving blended family. Have you seen the commercial? Does anyone know what I'm talking about?

Sure, some ladies like their bling. If you want to buy your sweetie some sparkle, knock yourself out. But mommy's new beau giving a diamond pendant to the kid is creepy and sets a dangerous precedent. After that, her teenage years are sure to put you in the poorhouse.

What really bothers me, though, is the notion that if you give a woman a diamond, she will love you. Or that she needs a diamond to know she's loved. And I don't think many people actually feel this way, but Kay Jewelers sure as hell wants us to. Screw that. Every kiss does NOT begin with Kay.

Just keep smiling. Even if it's another necklace. Please be Game of Thrones. Please be Game of Thrones. Is there a swan on my head?